Alan’s Perverted Musings – July Edition

I have a friend. He’s kind of perverted. No wait, I mean really perverted ….. So, I decided to document the fantastic convos we have. If our chatting continues at his new work place, this may become a monthly thing. Below are some of his lovely comments from July, but be warned! If you dislike pervertedness, do not continue. xD

Alan (Un Homme Heureux): i’m watching a girl flirt quite blatantly with a guy
Alan (Un Homme Heureux): if she stuck her butt out any more, she’d knock stuff over

Alan (Un Homme Heureux): we had company-paid afternoon drinks of bubble milk tea today
Alan (Un Homme Heureux): so right now the girl sitting in front of me is sucking thoughtfully on an oversized straw
Alan (Un Homme Heureux): oh… my… god…

Alan: the girl sitting in front of me is wearing a lacy white sleeveless top
Alan: i wanna stay here now
Alan:and i’m tempted to leer at the girl in front of me inappropriately
Alan:oh god, one of the graphic designers is wearing a canary yellow low-cut top
Alan: she’s kinda… uh… slender
Alan: but still, some stuff’s getting revealed
Alan:and a faint shadow of a cleft, enough to entice the imagination and let it roam

Alan: when my predecessor had only two days left, he spent his days playing fruit ninjas on his iphone
Alan: all day
xlisapoox: u should totally do that too
xlisapoox: why are u so hardworking alan
Alan: because he had a successor and i don’t
Alan: plus i don’t have fruit ninjas on my phone
Alan: i do have porn though
xlisapoox: u always have porn
Alan: not before i got a smartphone
Alan: back before the age of smartphones, the only way i could always have porn is if i had a laptop
Alan: or i could carry around a magazine, but let’s be honest, who looks at porn magazines any more
Alan: though whenever i don’t use headphones, i get some odd looks on the MRT
Alan: and to think, i had to content myself with sexting back when i had a dumb phone. smartphones open up brand new avenues of smut!

Alan: you know how sometimes when some girls laugh, they don’t laugh out loud but just sort of make a panting noise?
Alan: there’s a girl near my desk who’s apparently listening to a very amusing story from the guy who’s talking to her, and her panting is starting to make my mind wander
Alan: i’m working on microsoft word right now, and the 插入(insert) tab at the top is starting to give me odd mental images
Alan: sorta like, “yeah i’ll click that!”